I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
