how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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