I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I party with great urgency now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
