My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
