in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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