Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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