Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
