Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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