If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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