He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
