Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.

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(734): View more from Michigan

My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.

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(513): View more from Ohio

She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.

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(713): View more from Texas

That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?

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(650): View more from California

that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick

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