I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
