did you get engaged???
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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