She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
