I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
