She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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