Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
