is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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