tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize