Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
