I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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