but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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