I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
