I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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