he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
soo... how was my night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
