He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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