I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
