you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize