the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
