Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
