So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
