I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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