This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
