if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
