This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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