the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
