Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
