i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
