my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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