the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
