if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
