dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize