i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
