the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My vagina just clenched in fear
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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