May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
