My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
