fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
