her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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