i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
