A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
