Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
