I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
