my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
