Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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