What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize