Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
