I didn't shave. On purpose
I smell stomach acid.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
