Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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