so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
