i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
