I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
