i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize