Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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