I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize