finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
