and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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