Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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