brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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