I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
